Father Dougal McGuire.

Sister Monica: Oh Holy Mother of God! He’s dead!

Father Dougal: What’s the problem there, sister?

Father Ted (to Father Jack): Ah come on Father, you’re not dead again are you?

Father Dougal (giving the Last Rites): Well we are gathered here today to join two people… oh wait, that’s not it…

Father Dougal: So anyway, you’re there now with Our Lord and Stalin and Bob Marley and my own parents…

Father Ted: Right, well it looks bad alright. I called Dr. Sinnot, I gave him the symptoms over the phone and he said he’s probably dead alright. The pulse not being there is bad enough, but the heart stopping is the real danger sign.