Good Grief, the Comedian’s a Bear

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie the Bear.

Kermit the Frog: Okay, time, once again, for that furry, fuzzy, funnyman, fabulous, free-wheeling, fast and frantic Fozzie Bear!
Fozzie Bear: Hey hey hey hey hey! W-wait, wait wait wait, froggy, not so fast. Tonight, I’m going to use your assistance. Yes, sir. You and I are going to tell the world’s funniest joke. This is all spontaneous, unrehearsed. Right, froggy?
Kermit the Frog: It’s unrehearsed, right.
Fozzie Bear: Okay, okay, okay.
[clears throat]
Fozzie Bear: Now, frog of my heart, you will just wait until I say the word “hear”. When you hear me say the word “hear”, you will rush up to me and say, “Good grief! The comedian’s a bear!”
Kermit the Frog: Good grief! The comedian’s a bear!
Fozzie Bear: Check.
Kermit the Frog: When you say the word “hear”?
Fozzie Bear: Right.
Kermit the Frog: Gotcha.
Fozzie Bear: Okay. Now then… Hiya, hiya, hiya! You’re a wonderful looking audience! It’s a pleasure to be here!
Kermit the Frog: Good grief! The comedian’s a bear!
Fozzie Bear: Not yet!
Kermit the Frog: But you just said “here”.
Fozzie Bear: That was the wrong “here”.
Kermit the Frog: Which is the right “here”?
Fozzie Bear: The other “hear”!
[sends Kermit off]
Fozzie Bear: Go, go, go. Okay. Hey, hey, folks, this is a story you gotta love to hear!
Kermit the Frog: Good grief! The comedian’s a bear!
Fozzie Bear: Will you stop that?
Kermit the Frog: But you said “hear”!
Fozzie Bear: Not *that* “hear”!
Kermit the Frog: Well, which “hear”?
Fozzie Bear: Another “hear”!
Kermit the Frog: How’m I gonna know?
Fozzie Bear: You’ll know when you hear!
Kermit the Frog: Good grief! The comedian’s a bear!
Fozzie Bear: Alright, listen, you will know when I point to you.
[Kermit goes off-stage grumbling]
Fozzie Bear: Alright, don’t grumble.
[clears throat, to audience]
Fozzie Bear: Say, a funny thing to me on the way to the theater. At the stage door, I passed a bunch of Muppet fans and suddenly I hear…
[pause, Fozzie points to Kermit]
Kermit the Frog: Good grief, the comedian’s a bear.
Fozzie Bear: [in Italian dialect] No, he’s-a not! He’s-a wearin’ a neck-a-tie!

Curator: Christian Clay Columba Campbell

Christian Clay Columba Campbell is a Roman Catholic of the Anglican Use. As Senior Warden of the Cathedral of the Incarnation (Orlando, FL), he organised the process by which the parish accepted the Apostolic Constitution Anglicanorum coetibus, petitioning to join the Catholic Church. The Anglican Cathedral is now the Church of the Incarnation in the Personal Ordinariate of the Chair of St. Peter. Personal queries should be directed to me at eccentricbliss dot com.

Leave a Reply