HIGHLAND WIT AND HUMOUR. By “Fionn.” A HIGHLAND boy went with his mother to Inverness to get his first pair of boots. Returning home with his boots slung round his neck, and feeling as proud as a chief, he paid little attention to his steps. Suddenly he struck his big toe against a stone with […]
“TRUMPETER UNUS ERAT,” ETC. (Vol. xii., p. 226.) The macaronic verses of infancy and early boyhood have had such a run in your pages, that it is quite time those of a later age should take an innings. When I was a schoolboy, the verses asked for by X. ran as follows: Patres conscripti took a […]
You must have really good brains to speak Welsh. HRH Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, 7 June 2016.
Bishop Brennan: Well, I hope you’re not doing too much damage here, huh? Jack, are you behaving yourself? Father Jack: Feck off! Bishop Brennan: What did you say?! [stands up] Father Ted: Your Grace, what brings you to these parts? Thinking of sending us back to our parishes? Bishop Brennan: Fat chance! You’re here until […]
I would just like to say a few words about nudity in the world today. And I, for one, am just appalled by it. Why, did you know that underneath their clothing, the entire population of the world is walking around completely naked? Hmm? Is that disgusting? And it’s not just people, although, goodness knows, […]
But talkin the way I see it, a big feller and a little feller, so called, got into a fite, and they fout, and fout, and fout a long time, and evry boddy all around a hollerin hands off, but kep a helpin the big feller, till finally the little feller caved in and hollered […]
Father Ted: Sister Assumpta, you know we really are only up for the basic booze, fags, and rollerblading deal. I mean, the getting up early thing is great but — this is water. Sister Assumpta: That’s right. Father Ted: Alright, alright, having a bit of a laugh with the big thickos from the island. Where’s […]
America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, badass speed. — Eleanor Roosevelt, 1936. Happy Birthday, Laurie!
This is the original sales pitch to CBS for the television programme, The Muppet Show. And God will look down on us, and smile on us, and He will say, “Let them have a 40 (percent) share!”
Kermit the Frog: Okay, time, once again, for that furry, fuzzy, funnyman, fabulous, free-wheeling, fast and frantic Fozzie Bear! Fozzie Bear: Hey hey hey hey hey! W-wait, wait wait wait, froggy, not so fast. Tonight, I’m going to use your assistance. Yes, sir. You and I are going to tell the world’s funniest joke. This […]