Bishop Brennan: Well, I hope you’re not doing too much damage here, huh? Jack, are you behaving yourself? Father Jack: Feck off! Bishop Brennan: What did you say?! [stands up] Father Ted: Your Grace, what brings you to these parts? Thinking of sending us back to our parishes? Bishop Brennan: Fat chance! You’re here until […]
Father Ted: Sister Assumpta, you know we really are only up for the basic booze, fags, and rollerblading deal. I mean, the getting up early thing is great but — this is water. Sister Assumpta: That’s right. Father Ted: Alright, alright, having a bit of a laugh with the big thickos from the island. Where’s […]
This is the original sales pitch to CBS for the television programme, The Muppet Show. And God will look down on us, and smile on us, and He will say, “Let them have a 40 (percent) share!”
Father Ted: It’s true what they say about these career women. They’re very aggressive. Father Dougal: Yeah, she was very aggressive, wasn’t she, Ted? Father Ted: Oh, and the language out of her. You wouldn’t hear it from a docker! Fecking this, fecking that… Father Dougal: Ah, you would. They use very bad language. Father […]
If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person. Fred Rogers.
The parochial house roof is leaking, and they need to raise some money… Father Ted: God Almighty, that’s going to cost a fortune to fix. Where are we going to get the money? Think, Dougal, how can we raise some money? Father Dougal: Hmmm…. Father Ted: Yes, I know. Aha! (gives knowing glance) Father Dougal: […]
Sister Monica: Oh Holy Mother of God! He’s dead! Father Dougal: What’s the problem there, sister? Father Ted (to Father Jack): Ah come on Father, you’re not dead again are you? Father Dougal (giving the Last Rites): Well we are gathered here today to join two people… oh wait, that’s not it… Father Dougal: So anyway, you’re […]
Today is the 18th day of October — and I just saw a Christmas advertisement on television! Absolutely sickening. Talk about a War on Christmas! Now they don’t even get through Hallowe’en first.
Father Dougal: God Ted, I’ve heard about those cults. Everyone dressing in black and saying Our Lord’s going to come back and judge us all. Father Ted: No… no Dougal, that’s us. That’s Catholicism you’re talking about there. Father Dougal: Whole of this Catholic thing is a bit of a puzzler, isn’t it Ted? — […]